The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
