But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
