sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
