Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
