Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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