only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize