his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
