nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
