I think im going to throw up on grandma
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
