the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
