i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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