I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
