Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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