I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
