Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
