been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
