Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
