did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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