oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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