Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
