I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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