last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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