Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yo dont text me then not text me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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