you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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