so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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