Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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