nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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