i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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