I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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