We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What drink are we having for lunch?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
