If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
