You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
