Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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