Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
