I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize