Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize