I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You dont lie about slip and slides
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
