I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When are your genitals available?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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