There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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