I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
