the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
