the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
