I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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