So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
