Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
