You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
