Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
