Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
