Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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