like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
