Don't you send me to vm
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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