WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
