She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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