i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
