recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
