you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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