We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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