he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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