she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
