dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
