We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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