i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
