dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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