dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
